Talking with someone yesterday I realised I hadn’t posted in a while. A while? That’s an understatement…

The thing is, you see, I’ve completely changed my life. Since I was last here I have a new job, new living arrangement and I crossed two state borders to do it.

I’ve spoken before about the power of the arts to transform our lives and that’s what happened. Once I started to talk to people about my ideas it seemed that energy flowed into the space propelling me forward.

W.H. Murray puts it this way “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents…”

When I first read this I thought it was back to front. I thought I needed to have everything lined up, everything sorted before I could definitely commit to moving.

It’s terrifying to change so absolutely. I was heading south with no job, planning to live with a daughter in one state and take a week now and then to travel south and go around with my resume while I free camped in my car.

It didn’t come to that. applied for jobs on a job site and kept missing out. I was, for my own reasons which had nothing to do with the desirability of the places, avoiding some areas and applying everywhere else. Then I applied for two jobs which were a match in an area I had been avoiding and before I knew it was signing the contract.

Then the place I was going to with my dogs fell through and the only place I could get meant leaving them with my family while I began working. It was a huge ask for them and a wrench for me.

I love my new job, my team and the community which has welcomed me. Don’t get me wrong it hasn’t all been plain sailing and don’t even get me started on the state of the rental market, that needs a whole post to itself.

However, I’ve found that if you can find the strength to make a small commitment to yourself, actions can multiply to get you where you are meant to be, even if it’s the long way around.

The most important point though is that I didn’t do this alone. I was in a bad space when my daughter declared enough was enough and dragged me off to my GP. He’s one of the good ones. Diagnosed me and since I don’t respond well to medication, recommended exercise, fresh air, listening to music and talking to trusted people and checked to make sure I did it.

Listening to music brought me back to making art, recalibrated my emotions and provided the mental space to feel and imagine again. I reached out to someone I’ve known most of my life and she offered me a place to go.

I didn’t end up going there but it was amazing to no longer feel trapped. All the rest flowed from that. Admitting where you are is the first step and it can be hard to do. Shame can keep us silent when we most need to speak.

My life is not a fairytale but whose is? What it is though is purposeful and productive. I’ve managed to see places I’d only read about, go to see bands and performers I never had the chance to see during my younger years. I’m grateful for chances I never thought I’d have again.

I’m now working on the next steps. Back into the arts community, back to making art and contributing my skills to help others.

I feel I’m on track to create a satisfied mind…🤞🏻

PS

I have one of my dogs with me now and the other is happy where she is.